Poor Emmy's enemy: The Emmys

The Emmy nominations were announced today, setting off the annual flurry of dismay from fans and critics. Every year the prognostication is it's going to be different. Every year it's not different enough.

Because surely this was not the year of Battlestar Galactica, or Friday Night Lights, or Pushing Daisies, or (insert show here). Thus the slights of years past cannot be avenged. And, trust me, lists are being kept. They usually include Buffy and co., Mrs. Gilmore and her girls, and Bob Newhart and his patience. They are long lists, going all the way back to Bat Masterson and My Mother the Car, for all I know. People are inflamed, mad as hell and carrying their heavy grudges to the comments pages of websites everywhere.

And yet, none of it matters. Because the Emmy, even with her sharp-edged and weirdly lightning bolt-shaped wings, is pointless. But, dear Blogger, aren't all entertainment awards pointless, I hear you ask. Yes, phantom voice, you are correct. But even in this most capriciously undistinguished realm, the Emmys are a special case. Let's examine some reasons why:

• Just Too Many-- If the Academy Awards get one thing right, it's the numbers game. They offer only four major acting categories per year. The Emmys have 12 (and that's not including the Guest Actor awards). So, while it's true that nobody remembers who won for what or which year, people know who's won an Oscar. A person on the street could not name any of the last 10 movies that Mira Sorvino has been in, but they know she won the big award for something. Might she have also received the Emmy for Best Supporting Actress in a Mini-Series or Made for Television Movie? I have no idea. Do you?

• No Credibility-- Television Academy voters are loyal to a fault. Once they like something, they like it forever. Even as it slides inexorably to mediocrity and worse. It's 2009, the show is dead and gone, but Boston Legal is still garnering nominations. Candice Bergen had to remove her name from eligibility, because even she recognized that continuing to win for Murphy Brown was embarrassing. Why she didn't win a slew of awards for Boston Legal is a fascinating mystery. The point is: these shows and actors are chosen reflexively. Quality just doesn't play as big a factor as other awards. Thus it becomes more of an industry backslap than true competition.

• They Don't Work-- The one thing an Emmy ought to do is highlight the valuable nature of a certain program. It should be a kind of beacon to a network and viewers. Allowing one to protect it and the other to seek it out. And that's true, I think. Let's ask the cast of two-time Best Comedy winner Arrested Development. I'll call; does someone have the list of farflung projects they're working on now? I mean, if people don't remember who won the awards, they don't bring you respect from your network, and they don't even goose your ratings share, what the hell are they good for?

So to sum up: Congratulations 30 Rock on your big 22 Emmy nominations. Please don't die.