The Trouble with ABC Family's Values

It all began with See Jane Date. This was the first flick I can recall being branded an ABC Family Original Movie. Expectations were low, for me and probably everyone else. But a funny thing happened on the way to a cursory dismissal. It turned out to be pretty damn good. In fact, grading on the TV movie curve, Jane comes up aces.

If you don't look too closely, it's just an above-average rom com about a gal who learns that she doesn't need a man to be satisfied with her life. One with charming performances all around, especially from the ever-so-aptly-named Charisma Carpenter. But scratch the surface and the film is actually quite a bit more nuanced. That is, a clever depiction of how damaging it can be to allow others to define you. In the film Jane is not just assumed to be a young spinster by her friends and family, she's thought to be pushy and unforgiving by suitors and inept at her job by her bosses. And their toxic views infect her own, shoving her typically smart, jovial disposition into a wee corner.

Eventually Jane triumphs by letting her true character out of that corner (no Patrick Swayze necessary). Plus, when she decides the person she most wants to please is herself, everything else falls into place in the feel-good way that lets you know you're seconds away from finding out who did the film's catering. It all feels earned, though. This film could be considered the template for many of the films and shows that followed on the fledgling network. Frisky and fun, but laced with messages that young girls could absorb for present and future empowerment.

Those later movies were less successfully realized; mostly lacking the character detail and strong plot mechanics of Jane. But pics like Celeste in the City and Initiation of Sarah were tremendously smart packages. Each featuring the perfect recipe of a relatable heroine, slick production values, and cute boys (often shirtless). Their positive messages were baked right in, leaving none of that sour public-service-announcement aftertaste.

Things got even better when ABC Family started producing its own series. Kyle XY, especially the first season, was a blast. It begins with a boy with no belly-button who appears out of nowhere. A supremely empathetic social worker takes him home to stay with her family. Then things start to happen. The show works because the central mystery is a grabber, the family dynamic feels honest, and the science elements come lightly sprinkled. It's fitting that the first thing we learn about Kyle is he lacks a belly-button because this a show that, unlike certain zip-coded ones, doesn't have time for naval-gazing. These people have things to do. Moreover, when was the last time you saw a show about young people that made being super-educated seem fun and sexy.

Maybe it was the last time you saw Greek. A show about fraternities and sororities and the (yes, it's true) diverse populaces found within. Our protagonist, Rusty, is a polymer science major who winds up rushing the most raucous house on Greek row. Everybody thinks it's a strange fit, until realizing that, like the chocolate and peanut butter of yore, getting a little hard science on your liberal arts makes even debauchery taste better.

And these shows may feature male protags, but they were clearly designed with young ladies in mind. Many of the best moments in each are about the very real struggles the female characters have with sexuality and identity. Not to mention the love-hate relationships that too often develop between young girls. The kind that tarnish what should be an unwavering support system.

ABC Family achieved the apotheosis of its ethos with The Middleman. The Middleman's Middleman is not the star of the series. Rather it's Wendy Watson, a supremely cool, confident, and capable Gal Friday with a raygun. This is a show that improbably combined deadpan anomie with pop-art action heroics, a sort of Hal Hartley meets the X-Men (squared by the X-Files) aesthetic. It's excellent, feel free to stop reading now and go rent or buy the DVDs.

Now that you're back, here's why Wendy's significant: she's got it all. The love of all things geek, the ambitions of an artist frustrated by lack of support, the most bestest girl-shaped friend (except when they hate each other), and a deep yearning to figure out her place in the dimension where she's not evil. She's all ABC Family characteristics in one tiny frame, placed in one appreciably dense, smart, funny, and meta-tastic showcase.

ABC Family couldn't wait to cancel The Middleman. Not because of what it was, but because of what it wasn't: The Secret Life of the American Teenager. The show that became a big hit, dwarfing the modest ratings for Wendy Watson and co. Thus it was doomed. Suddenly, if you weren't pulling your weight, you were shown the door. Kyle XY was the next to go. The network's inaugural original series wrapped up its third and final season with a cliffhanger. A slap in the face to its fans, for sure. By the by, if you see Kyle still dangling from that cliff, you might want to mention that no help is coming.

They say nothing spoils like success, however, Secret Life... reeked even before the first ratings share was reported. Spend some time watching this show and here's what you won't learn: anything about the secret lives of teenagers. Here's what you will learn: girls and women make dumb decisions. This in itself would be fine if there were some understandable motivations behind such decisions. But this show's characters are rarely even recognizably human, let alone capable of logic or rationality.

The show's hook, for all the Secret Life... virgins, is that high school sophomore Amy is impregnated by the class lothario while away at band camp. Was she coerced? Did she think protection was involved? Did she consider herself ready for sex? None of that matters apparently, and is left unseen and unexamined. Better to get on with the hilarity of hiding her pregnancy from classmates and family. Remember how I mentioned that See Jane Date only aped a braindead Lifetime movie until you scratched the surface? Well, you could claw at this series for weeks, know what?, you'd still be on the surface. There's no there anywhere.

On top of that, the messages and mores left for tweens and teens (the primary demographic I presume) are horrible. Even the female characters who recognize that they're being abused by the jerks that represent the male sex, simply allow it to continue. And they never explain why. Nothing makes sense.

Since the advent of this nonsense, ABC Family execs have been on a tear for ratings luster. The two sitcoms they introduced were so bad, so critically reviled, they canceled them and quickly burned off all episodes. Make It or Break It--the teens who aspire to gymnastics glory show--is already broken. Its girl power is faux. It's not about sports or ambition, but rather the same lazy soap operatics that you can find on many other stations at all hours of the day. Oh, and the original movies suck now, too. Au Pair 3, anyone?

That leaves 10 Things I Hate About You. Only one episode so far, but definitely a more promising entry. The character of Kat is no Wendy Watson but she'll do in a time of famine. Who knows? Maybe 10 Things... will help this bedraggled network get its mojo back. I hope so, because right now it's all Greek to me.